Monday, November 15, 2010

Feeling Good In The Right Clothes

It's been ages since I last bought a piece of clothing for myself. Yes, I held off buying even a new shirt for a long time. One, because I don't go out much. Two, I'd feel guilty buying something for me when I feel that the funds are better used for the kids. And three, I just feel like I'm too fat to fit in anything I'd feel comfortable and pretty in.

Now, after the trillionth time in the laundry, a few of my "uniforms" have given up. RF told me that I really should go out and get a few new pieces or he might consider throwing out the sad, boring few left in the closet. So off we went on an online hunt and found a few stores with dresses that advertised style and breastfeeding functionality.

One was Eden. I hopped on over to the bazaar they happened to be in that weekend and excitedly browsed through their stocks. Mec already ordered the bento box from them and after having seen them on her, I wanted to have them too. Unfortunately, what looks good on someone else doesn't mean it would look good on you too. Fitting the lovely things rather depressed me as nothing flattered my flabby body at this point. I was squeezed in the wrong places and I felt like a squished tube of toothpaste.

It's not the set's fault, mind you. The fabrics were really comfortable but being in between sizes really sucked. I was too big for small and medium but large would be too lose soon as I am hell bent on losing weight.

I was getting really sad when the saleslady suggested the Infinitude, a versatile sleeved wrap you can wear in different ways. Mec had already shown this to me but I was eyeing the bento box because it was already a set of a pair of pants, a skirt you can wear as a tube, one tank top and a long sleeved shirt. The set better fit my budget, I thought, but when RF and my sister reminded me that I didn't have to pressure myself to buy if I wasn't comfortable, I tried on the Infinitude.

After the saleslady demonstrated the different breastfeeding-friendly styles the really comfortable wrap could be worn, I decided to walk away with this one. I can wear it with anything and will shrink when I do! My sister's only complaint was that I still bought black.

Maybe when I lose some more weight, I'll feel more adventurous about dressing in color. Until then, I'm happy I found something I don't look like a dumpling or feel like a suman in!

This, however would be my last shopping expedition I shall allow myself to be pressured into. I do understand that hubby wants me too feel good by looking good but I feel that we'll have more fun shopping later on when I truly feel more confident with my body. Right now, I still feel super conscious! And those changing room mirrors don't help at all. I just saw everything that was wrong with my body and none of my prettiness.

At least I found something I could feel good with before the bad, critical voice in my head pushed me to another bout of depression over my body image! Whew!

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